Touch of Blue by AnnaBV Designs

As promised, Anna has a new kit out today at ScrapMatters called "Touch of Blue" that coordinates with "Touch of Pink" released last week. It's perfect for scrapping those little boy photos! There is also a matching alpha and coordinating quickpage set so be sure to look for those in her store.

Touch of Blue


My Layout


Thanks for looking!

A closer look at my Wintersong holiday cards

I have been busy adding high quality sample photos to the holiday cards I created with Wintersong, the collab between By Becca at Enchanted Studio Scraps and Designs by Helly at Scrapbook Bytes. These cards are available at Enchanted Studio Scraps and are on sale for a limited time. You simply add your own phots(s) and any greeting and they are ready to print!

The bundle






Photo courtesy of Stock Exchange by Benjamin Earwicker with Garrison Photography.




Photo courtesy of Michelle Scruggs Photography.




Photo courtesy of Jennifer Brown Photography.




Photo courtesy of Stock Exchange by Richard Sweet.




Photo courtesy of Stock Exchange by Benjamin Earwicker with Garrison Photography.

I can also create a custom-made card with this kit or any other digital scrapbooking kit to match your photo(s)! Thanks for looking!

Touch of Pink by AnnaBV Designs

Anna has a new kit out today at ScrapMatters called "Touch of Pink." It's perfect for scrapping those little girl photos! There is also a matching alpha and coordinating quickpage set so be sure to look for those in her store. She is releasing "Touch of Blue" next week so check back!

Touch of Pink



My Layout



Thanks for looking!

Wintersong by Becca and Designs by Helly

Becca has teamed up with Helly to bring us a gorgeous new winter kit called Wintersong. It was made to complement Jenny's eyes, I swear!!! I had to scrap 2 pages, it is so pretty. Check it out!



My Layouts

"Frosty Jenny"


"Winter Beauty"


I also created a 5-pack of holiday cards with this kit and it's also in the store!



Check back in a few days and I'll show you full size samples of these cards with some photos added. Thanks for looking!

Freebies from AnnaBV Designs

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Sign up for her Newsletter (sent out weekly or bi-weekly, with info on new releases, sales, and ALWAYS a coupon or a freebie!), and receive this freebie in your welcome letter!

Laying low...

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been so quiet this week, I have so much going on right now. My husband and I are... I don't know... at a door we've been at before and not sure whether to open, close, or remodel the door. It's been a very emotional week. His 40th birthday is Sunday and I feel terrible that we aren't in a better place to really celebrate it. We've been to our marriage counselor twice this week and are going next week too. To honor his privacy, I won't talk much about what is going on other than asking for prayers and positive thoughts as we work through this.

The kids are doing pretty good. Jenny just finished up marching band season so it will be nice to spend more time with her. College applications are due in early December, I can hardly believe that. Anna is all over the place with her emotions and behavior... she seems seizure-ish to me. We'll see. Dominic has started occupational therapy. I'm not crazy about his therapist; I guess because I've BTDT with Anna, I question whether her specific strategies are really beneficial for what Dominic needs. We'll see about that too.

I think I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up so I've been researching and studying to create a business plan to map out my future. I want to be a professional photo retoucher and digital artist. It's a highly competitive field and takes lots of practice. I'm not sure yet if I want to venture into beauty, fashion, or something more fluid, but I need to take some classes, buy some books, and develop my photgraphy skills as well as lots of other things. That's where my creative energy has been this week. I'm woefully behind on siggy requests and I need to make some layouts too, thank goodness I have patient clients! I've also promoted Digital Star Design to Facebook so if you are over there, become a fan! Don't forget that I offer holiday cards so get your orders in early.

Well thanks for reading this. I'm sorry I'm a bit of a bummer and I hope to be feeling more positive soon. Love you all...

October 2009 Siggies Slideshow

Here are some siggies I made this last month...

Thanks for looking!

The Value of Happiness

(I had intended to have this be a Thoughtful Thursday post, but I could not get my thoughts aligned yesterday...)

So I posted a Facebook status update this week called happiness is overrated. I got some posts from friends who gave me hugs (thank you) and gave me amens! (thank you, too)... I even inspired a song. It's quite satirical and made me laugh. From Paul Sonnenberg:

Too Damn Happy

That's just too damn happy
That's just too damn glib
That's just too damn happy
That's no way to live
So stick your peace of mind
Where the sun don't shine
That's just too damn happy.

That's just too damn tragic
That's just too damn sad
All this talk of magic
All those dreams you have
But when the rent comes due
For Mother Hubbard's shoe
Magic beans ain't magic.

And yet you're so damn busy
And yet you're so damn rushed
That's just too damn busy
It's not the life for us
We're gonna stay in bed
Til the dogs need fed
You just make me dizzy

Give me honest feelings
Give me honest work
Give me time to linger
Don't be such a jerk
And stick your peace of mind
Where the sun don't shine
That would make me happy...

Thanks for sharing this with us, Paul!

It's not that I'm depressed (well, actually maybe I am but nothing serious), it just seems to me that there is so much pressure to conform to this notion of being happy... kinda like breastfeeding, if you know what I mean. It's a worthy goal and I am envious of those people who are truly happy, I know it's work to attain that and it's a choice everyday to find it. But is it realistic?

In my 30s, I decided to let go of the daily battle of being unhappy with my weight and began to accept that I'm heavier than I'd like. There used to be a constant nagging voice in my head that constantly criticized myself and was disgusted with myself. I used to avoid getting my picture taken and would not even go to reunions or events because I was heavier than I'd like. I'm not sure what changed... but I realized that the people I most admire and respect are all different sizes... and that in the end, weight is not what matters most in defining who I am, how much I am valued, and how much I like myself.

How does this relate to being happy? So much of what my life is about is out of my control... I take the pieces and make the best of them. If I'm quite frank, my day-to-day life is not one most people would want or envy, it's hard work. My marriage is hard work; it was difficult before our special needs daughter arrived, it's hard still. There are compromises you make in life due to circumstances beyond your control, there are compromises you make so that the icky tension goes away. One day, like when you've faced a breast biopsy, you find yourself reflecting on your life and realize it's just... meh. That's it. Meh.

So now what? I'm 40. I'm not blissfully happy and I do not see any scenario where that will change. Do I continue to feel awful about that? No, I need to reframe it.... hence the happiness is overrated post on Facebook. I am grateful for the blessings in my life and of those I have many. I spend time laughing and playing, I seek opportunities to do things that bring me joy, and at the end of the day, I know things could be much tougher. There is value in happiness, there is also value in accepting that happiness is overrated. I'm tired of comparing myself to the positive people and falling short, I'm tired of feeling like a failure in yet another aspect in my life. Today I'm embracing my MEH.

Guess How Much I Love You by Becca

Becca has a gorgeous new romantic kit in the Enchanted Studio Scraps store today called Guess How Much I Love You. She has also created a set of cluster frames to make scrapping even easier.

Guess How Much I Love You


Cluster Frames


My Layout


Thanks for looking!

Oh my goodness! GSO!!!

The layout I did with Chris in his firefighter turnout gear (below) made Gallery Standout at DST today!!! WOOT!

Hot in Here by AnnaBV Designs

Anna has a gorgeous new kit out today at ScrapMatters called Hot in Here featuring everything about firefighting. This kit is perfect for those pictures of kids in costumes or the real firefighters you are blessed to know. Be sure to also check out the alpha and quickpages (or pick up both with the kit as a bundle!) as well as Anna's blog for an add-on!

Hot in Here


Alpha


Quickpages


Add-on



"Hero"



"I Wanna Be a Firefighter"


Thanks for looking!

Thoughtful Thursday: the beginning and needing friends

Sometimes I need a friend whose shoulder provides comfort. Being a mother to Anna means that I have these wonderful friends but they aren't HERE, sitting next to me. The reality is that when you have a child as complicated as Anna, real life friends are few and far in between. I do have a special few who always welcome my call or email even though it's been months since they reached out to me and I am very grateful for them. But the ones who really "get" it... that are with me for the daily nitty-gritty... they are all over the world and I wish they were closer. I will admit, I am not a good friend. I get absorbed in my family, they need so much of me all the time. So I get selfish, guarding my time and energy and space. When I think about friendship and what it means, it takes me back to the beginning.

I have always been very open about Anna's issues. When she was 9 months old, well... that's when the bottom fell out of my world. I knew that she wasn't a typical baby. Jenny was 9 years old when Anna was born, so it really was like starting all over again. Anna cried a lot as a newborn. She startled easily... her Moro reflex hung around throughout her infancy. She met milestones late. At 6 months, she fell off the growth chart for height, weight, and head circumference. I thought she was just small.

That 9-month checkup. Our nurse practitioner is the one who saw us that day. Curtis had friends, buddies, visiting... one from out of town, so I was at the ped's office by myself. Stephanie asked me the standard milestone questions...

"Is Anna rolling over both ways? Is she getting up on all fours? Is she crawling? Is she babbling?" All to which I answered cheerfully, "Not yet." I could see a look cross Stephanie's face as she excused herself from the room. She came back with Dr. G, our wonderful, wonderful pediatrician. He asked the same questions, and many more. "Is she doing x? How often does she do y? They left together and were gone a long time.

I started feeling funny. I looked down at my tiny baby... I think she was about 12 pounds? Was something wrong? I held her close and waited. I thought to myself, "All kids are different. That's why there is a curve for growth. Some kids have to be near the bottom. She'll do things in her own time."

When Dr. G and Stephanie came back in the room, they looked serious. They said, "We are concerned about Anna's development and want you to see a pediatric neurologist. We are also sending her information to Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) for evaluation to see if she could benefit from therapy." They also wanted us to see a pediatric opthalmologist because Curtis has a birth defect with his optic nerve that has caused him some pretty serious vision issues. They handed me some pamphlets, then Dr. G left. Stephanie looked at me, with that sweet, concerned smile she has and asked if I was okay. In that moment, I was. I'm all about getting more information and doing whatever needs to be done. I can take a lot. I don't think I really realized in that moment what this meant for Anna's future or my own.

But I remember driving home and worrying. ECI... was that a state program? Would they have the power to take her away from me if they felt I was not doing enough for her? When I got home and shared with Curtis what had transpired, he wasn't concerned at all. He was certain she was fine and would catch up.

So for the next 9 months, I started the process of induction into the special needs motherhood world. I learned what OT and ST meant, I learned words like "hypotonia," "microcephaly," "failure to thrive," and "high myopia." I took my sweet, tiny baby to a pediatric neurologist, a pediatric ophthalmologist, a developmental pediatrician, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, an orthopedic surgeon, a geneticist, a gastroenterologist, and I'm sure there are more that I'm forgetting. By the time Anna was 18 months old, she was preparing for her first of three MRIs under general anesthesia and untold other tests. She was walking but not talking, and had many sensory issues that prevented her from enjoying playgroup and Gymboree classes. I just held her.

I still just hold her.

At 18 months is when my mom (really being the only one who understood) googled hypotonia and we found iVillage's Child Hyptonia board (a support message board) and Julie and Charlie's site (hi Julie!!!). I cried tears of relief to have found a group of moms who were experiencing similar problems with their children. For days, I lurked on that board reading story after story. I was so nervous when I posted my first introduction! I'm sure I've mentioned this group of moms before, they are my Exceptional Women, and we meet once a year in person without husbands or children.

Anna has continued to add many complicated labels past 18 months, but I had friends to turn to then. At some point in the future I want to write a letter to my younger hypotonia sisters, the ladies whose little babies are floppy and are seeking help and find the Child Hypotonia board. Many of us wondered where the older kids were on that iVillage board... the truth is that most our children did not catch up or grow out of their problems. We joined other boards like ones for developmental delays and seizures. As our children got older, we left those boards and started our own.

It's difficult to go back in time, to that point where hope still flourished. The journey to acceptance is really hard, emotional, and painful... and you know what? It's never over. In some ways, it is like grieving a loss. I'm glad I'm through the other side now and that I have friends who understand. But damn, I wish they were here.

We took Dominic to the pumpkin patch today

We had a really good time today visiting a nearby pumpkin patch. A neighbor friend and her son joined us so it was extra fun. Here are a few pictures, enjoy!